it's been a very long time...

...but tonight i need this. it's raining and i'm sitting on my front porch, which i have not done in a very, very long time. not since i've had no one to sit with. and it's experiences like this, especially when done for the first time, that bring so many memories and such vulnerability with them. i know this is just a part of life, and i know that He has a plan for me; that makes it easier to understand, but not by any means does that make this easy. it's been so long that i don't even like to bring it up anymore. i don't know when i'll feel enough closure to move on, to be ready, but that doesn't matter. He knows, and i trust Him. for now, all that matters is that regardless of how alone i may feel right now, on this porch in this blanket watching and listening to the rain, i am never really alone. and that unconditional, ever-faithful love is the one i want, no matter what else is going on in my life. that is the love that holds my heart together when it feels like pieces are missing, and that is the love i want forever.